Lumi (Cultivated Book 3) Read online

  Damian’s Irish pronunciation of think was tink, and for some reason, the melodic lilt of his words made me like him even more. My lips quivered a little as I nodded my head and linked both my arms around Damian’s neck again. “I would like that.”

  We sat in a tight hug for a long moment, and then he kissed my hair and pulled back to look at me. “How do ye feel?”

  My heart was heavy with grief, but my chest felt a little lighter. “Better,” I muttered and kept gazing into Damian’s warm eyes until my mind put a word to the weird sensation in my stomach. I’d never been in love, but I’d read enough books to understand that my fast pulse, my curiosity, and my sudden interest in him had to be a case of attraction.

  Suddenly feeling self-aware, I dried my eyes and untangled myself from Damian. “I’m fine now. Thank you.”

  He stood up and walked next to me with an arm around my shoulders like he was my big brother. I had no idea how to handle the melting pot of emotions inside me, so I ran to River, who was calling my name.

  “What was that about?” I heard Kit ask Damian.

  “It’s fine. Lumi said that she feels better now,” he answered.

  I didn’t comment on that because I wasn’t sure that I felt better at all. Feelings of sadness, hope, curiosity, interest, grief, and attraction were swirling around inside me, and more than ever, I wanted to run to my room and hide in a book.

  CHAPTER 1

  In the Name of Science

  Eleven Years Later

  Lumi

  “How was Greece?” I asked Jolene when she came to sit next to me.

  “Oh, it was picturesque with the white villages and the teal-blue water. Atlas and I rented a scooter and drove around the island. We had lazy days with breakfast for lunch, and we walked hand in hand on the beach watching the sunset.” Jolene gave a dreamy sigh. “It was perfect.”

  “Atlas told me about his proposal,” I whispered with a smile.

  Jolene looked over her shoulder at Atlas, who stood by the grill with Damian, Charles, and Nathan. Lowering her voice, she whispered back. “Did you tell anyone?”

  “No, Atlas said that he’s going to share the good news tonight.” I touched her hand. “Don’t worry. Atlas and I were always close. You can trust me to keep your secret.”

  Jolene sent a loving glance in her future husband’s direction, and as if there was an invisible line between them, Atlas looked over and smiled back at her.

  “You two are adorable,” I said and felt a pang of envy in my chest.

  “Charles, honey, is the meat ready?” Liv came through the French doors with River by her side. The two of them were carrying bread, salad, corn on the cob, and potatoes.

  “Can we help?” I offered.

  “No, it’s fine.” Liv motioned for me to stay in my seat.

  “Hang on.” Charles turned a few of the steaks and pressed on them with his thumb. “We need two more minutes for the steaks, but I can give you the veggie spears.” Charles filled a plate that Damian brought over to the table where Jolene and I were sitting.

  “You’d better not have mixed them with your disgusting meat,” River said with her nose wrinkled up.

  “What does it matter? Ye’ve had meat before, and it didn’t kill ye, did it now?” Damian took a seat across from me as he spoke to River.

  “No, it didn’t kill me, but still.”

  I smiled. “River, you realize that Damian’s question was rhetorical? You wouldn’t be able to answer him if you were dead.”

  “True, but sometimes answering the same questions about why I don’t want meat juice on my vegetables makes death seem like an escape.”

  Nathan laughed. “How I love the drama you bring into our lives.”

  River smacked her tongue. “Me? Dramatic? Huh! You should see some of the people I know in London. I’m the grounded one in my group. Actors and models are entertaining people, but everyone is always fighting to be the center of attention. The other day Carmen Ramos came up with a story about ghosts haunting her apartment. She made a whole episode on YouTube, and now people want to stay at her place to see if it’s true. It’s a complete lie.”

  “Maybe the place is really haunted.” Nathan grinned.

  “Oh, come on. I don’t believe that for a second. She’s always looking for content ideas and Billie, Carmen, and I had just watched a horror movie two days before she made that episode. Carmen might be a YouTube sensation, but she is getting sloppy when it comes to coming up with original content. Which reminds me…” River turned to Damian. “Can I do an episode with you?”

  “Why?”

  “I thought it would be fun if I came with you to work. You could teach me how to shoot and catch bad people.”

  “Of course. No problem. I could squeeze ye in when we have the ‘bring a civilian to work day.’ I believe it’s comin’ up in about, let’s see… hmm, never.”

  “But I could give you exposure, and you could show what it is you do in the emergency response unit. One point four million people saw my last episode.”

  “That’s impressive,” I said. “What was the episode about?”

  “About these handmade braids that you can use as a hairband when you don’t have time to do your hair. It’s pretty genius, really.”

  “Why would people who want to know about braids be interested in Gardaí work?” Damian shook his head. “Maybe stick to make-up if that’s what yer audience wants to learn about.”

  “It’s the contrast that’s fun. Me, a girly-girl, going outside my comfort zone and playing around with big weapons and men in uniform.”

  “I would watch that show.” Kit said from the end of the table. “You had me at playing with men in uniform.”

  “See?” River almost jumped in her seat. “It would be so much fun.”

  Damian groaned. “Weapons are not to be played around with, and I couldn’t bring ye even if I wanted to.” He reached for a piece of bread and ignored River’s pout. “So, Jolene, tell us about yer research. Atlas said ye’re moving away from cults.”

  “No, it’s more like sidestepping. We already have a pretty good grasp on why people join cults and how cults work to isolate and control their members. Now we’re moving on to researching how to help people overcome the trauma they’ve experienced while they were in the cult. We’re not looking at traditional psychotherapy but rather short, effective interventions.”

  “Interestin’,” Damian said and looked up when Nathan, Charles, and Atlas joined and took their seats.

  “What’s interesting?” Nathan asked.

  “We’re talking about our new research project,” Jolene explained. “We’re setting people up to conquer their fears.”

  “How’d ye get volunteers for somethin’ like that?” Kit asked and passed the salad around.

  “We pay them.” Atlas’ tone was matter-of-fact.

  “How much?” Damian was about to take a cob of corn but stiffened.

  “It depends on the length and the intensity of the project. Each case is different. We had a man who was terrified of going outside his house. The leader of the cult had cursed him, and he truly believed that he would die if he stepped outside his door.”

  “How did you cure that fear?” Charles asked and passed around the plate with steaks.

  Jolene answered, “Our colleague Diane and I went to his house and concentrated on his fear of death. The man was fifty-seven and had been part of a cult since he was in his late twenties. We didn’t challenge his belief that he would die if he left his house. Instead, we agreed that death was inevitable for all of us, and so over hours of talking, the question became not how to avoid dying, but how do we live to the fullest. On our second visit, he’d done a lot of thinking and decided that he wanted to have his affairs in order so that he could die in peace. The irony is that he’d become so determined to have his will made that he went with us to meet a lawyer. Once he’d been outside once, he agreed that the curse wasn’t as powerful as he initially thought. W
e challenged him to an experiment where he’d make one hundred dollars every time he challenged his fear of death.”

  “Challenge it how?” Damian asked.

  “He made us videos of how he crossed a street, stood under a scaffolding, walked past a building site, rode in a bus, and stuff like that. It was all part of a list he had created with ways he had imagined that he would die. I consider it a great triumph that he’s now applying for jobs and has made a friend in the local coffee shop.”

  “Wow, Jolene, that’s wonderful.” River smiled at her.

  “That’s not all,” Atlas said with pride. “Jolene also worked with a woman who was longing for love but felt that she was betraying her former cult leader by dating other men. We paid her a thousand dollars to go on four dates.”

  Kit whistled. “That’s a lot of money. Will ye pay me a thousand dollars to go on four dates?”

  Atlas continued, “The best part was that the last two dates were with the same man, and they still see each other.”

  “If you pay people to face their fears, how do you know they’re not faking it?” I asked.

  “I interview and screen the test subjects, of course,” Jolene assured us. “We’re not looking for cute fears that are in the category of unpleasant. We want phobic fears.”

  “I fear poverty,” River admitted.

  “Right, so in your case, we would challenge you to live without money for a while and see how you’d cope.”

  “You could go and live with Maximum for a while. He seems drawn to poverty.” Kit shook her head. “I don’t know why he needs to spend all his time abroad when there’re poor people for him to help right here in Ireland.”

  River shivered. “I wouldn’t cope. I would panic.”

  Jolene leaned her head to one side. “You’d be surprised how healthy it is to move past your fears.”

  “My biggest fear is to be alone,” Charles said in a soft voice. It made us all turn and look at him.

  Liv leaned in and touched him. “You will never be alone with us in your life.”

  “That’s right.” I cleared my throat. “It’s ironic because I fear closeness. I get pressured if I don’t get my space.”

  Jolene gave me a sideways glance. “Give me an example.”

  “I don’t like to sleep in the same room as others.”

  “You’ve slept in my room,” River interjected.

  “When we were younger, but I wouldn’t want to do it now.”

  “How does that work for you when you’re dating a guy?” Jolene asked me.

  I chose to be honest. “It doesn’t. Any man who thinks we’ll be cuddling all night ends up disappointed. I’m not that type of woman. If I ever marry, we’ll have separate bedrooms and bathrooms.”

  Damian rolled his eyes. “That’s nonsense. Then ye might as well hire a gigolo. What ye’re describing isn’t a marriage.”

  “You’ve never cuddled a whole night with a man?” Jolene asked in an incredulous tone.

  I avoided looking at Damian when I answered. “It’s not my thing.”

  “Were you always like that?”

  “No, I shared a room with my mum for the first seventeen years of my life. But since then, I’ve developed social anxiety. I don’t like closeness.”

  “It can’t be that bad. You hug all of us,” Nathan said.

  “Because you’re family. But last week, the lift at work was full, and I ended up walking seven flights of stairs in high heels because I don’t like to be close to others. Especially not men.”

  Everyone at the table was staring at me.

  “Just forget I said it,” I mumbled and leaned over the table for the salad.

  “I knew you didn’t like big social events and that you’re picky with men, but I had no idea that you suffer from social anxiety to that extent. Is that why you’re still single?” River asked with sympathy.

  “That, and because men are intimidated by my success. Men don’t like making less money than their girlfriends. At least not the men I’ve met.”

  “Sounds like an excuse to me.” Damian was cutting his steak with harsh movements and his elbows out.

  “What are you doing to overcome your fear of closeness?” Jolene asked me.

  I shrugged and joked, “I’m thinking about getting a cat.”

  Jolene watched me with a speculative glance. “It sounds like you have a lot to gain by overcoming your fears. Would you be open to a challenge?”

  I clicked my tongue. “No, thank you.”

  “No, don’t say that. At least listen to what kind of challenge Jolene is talking about,” River encouraged me.

  We all turned to Jolene, who leaned her head back and thought for a second.

  “It needs to be something that would push you far beyond your comfort zone and force you to work through your issues with closeness.”

  “Ooh, I know.” River said with eagerness. “She could spend a whole day in a tight space with a stranger.”

  “Not a chance!” I put down my knife and fork. “I hate tight spaces as much as I hate closeness.”

  “Okay, so no tight spaces, but what if we linked you to a man with a pair of handcuffs?”

  I smiled because it was ridiculous.

  “How much would you pay for it?” Nathan asked.

  “Five thousand dollars,” Atlas exclaimed with a smile as he winked at me. “If this experiment can help Lumi find love, then I’m willing to pay both her and any man who helps her overcome her fear of closeness, five thousand dollars each.”

  Nathan’s hand went up like we were in a classroom. “Can I do it with her? I want that money.”

  “Nathan, stop! I’m not doing it.”

  “Please. Five thousand is a lot of money, Lumi.”

  “You have money.” I lowered my brow because even though Nathan was the one of us with the smallest fortune, he still had plenty.

  Jolene placed a hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, but it would have to be someone not related to Lumi.”

  “We’re not blood-related,” he argued, but Jolene stayed strong.

  “I know that, but you’re Lumi’s adoptive brother, and she grew up with you. If this is going to work, it has to be someone who isn’t her adopted brother.”

  “Give me ten thousand, and I’ll do it,” Damian said while looking at me with a playful grin.

  The idea of being handcuffed to Damian made my mouth dry.

  Atlas patted Damian’s back. “Nice try. I said five.”

  “Eight then.”

  Jolene held up a hand. “Wait, Damian is Lumi’s friend. For the experiment to work, I think it should be a stranger.”

  “Forget it. I’m not interested,” I said in a loud tone and felt my cheeks heat up.

  Atlas watched me closely before turning to Damian. “How about seven?”

  “Deal!” Damian stretched out his arm to shake Atlas’ hand, and then he looked to me. “Are ye in? I dare ye!”

  “Nooo.” I leaned back. “The idea is absurd.”

  “But don’t you want to get rid of your fears?” River asked. “When was the last time you had sex?”

  “That’s none of our business,” Liv said in my defense.

  “Sorry.” River held up her hands. “I just thought that if Lumi doesn’t like closeness, she might have issues with sex.” She sighed and looked genuinely concerned. “Your fear is no joke, Lumi. I think you should take all the help you can get from Jolene and Atlas.”

  “I’m not interested.”

  River didn’t give up. “Atlas is going easy on you. You and Damian are friends. It’s not like he’s a stranger, and what if your fears could be cured in only one week? You have to try, at least.”

  Pushing my chair back, I threw my napkin on the table and stood up.

  Atlas was quick to follow me as I fled into the house.

  “I’m not doing it,” I said as soon as we stepped inside the house. “Why would you go along with it and offer Damian that much money?”


  “Because I want you to be free.”

  “Free of what? So what if I have a social phobia, and prefer my own company? I still have a good life with a great job and my family.”

  Atlas took a hold of my arms and looked into my eyes. “You’re not fooling me, sis. Don’t you think it’s time to get over him, once and for all? Damian might have saved your life eleven years ago, but if you two were meant to be together, it would have happened by now. You’re not a teenage girl anymore.”

  “I know that.” I lowered my brow with a small pout.

  “Aren’t you tired of comparing every bloke you meet to Damian? You have a romantic fantasy in your head that he can’t possibly live up to in real life. Think about it; this experiment would give you an overdose of Damian, and after it’s over, you’ll finally be free to find love with someone else.”

  I shifted my balance. “But what about personal boundaries?” I pointed to the garden. “Jolene talked about handcuffs. Just the thought makes me feel nauseated.”

  “It’s one week. You can do anything for one week.”

  My eyes darted around as I tried to calm the anxiety in my chest.

  “Look, sis, I’ll be the first to admit that to me, this isn’t about the research. I feel the longing in you for love, but every time a suitor comes close, you sabotage the relationship. Our family thinks your teenage crush on Damian is long over, but I know better.”

  I buried my hands in my pockets and chewed on my lower lip. “I hate the whole idea of being chained to another person.”

  “Lumi… This is your chance to get over him, once and for all.”

  I crossed and uncrossed my arms. “I’m scared.”

  Atlas moved in and hugged me. “I get that, but you’re too strong a woman to live a limited life. It’s time to push through your fears.”

  I was quiet in his arms for a moment, and then I muttered, “If I did it, it wouldn’t be for the money.”

  “Then how about you donate the seven thousand dollars to a charity? I’m sure Maximum can help you pick out a worthy cause.”

  “He called me from India a few days ago. He’s raising money for an orphanage for street children.”